September...

I can't believe it's September 3rd already. Sometimes I realize it's the middle of summer, or the end of summer, and can't believe it. At times it feels as though time moves like molasses and other times it's so fast it's a blur. As the last days of August came and went, I found myself dreading the approach of September (because that leads to October); the last few weeks of my sister's life a year ago. Marked by the weekends spent with her, I can recall each one.

So, just as I was beginning to feel like I was making a bit of progress in this process called grief, I find myself reliving those weeks/moments (more than normal); some are bittersweet, others sad/painful.

My birthday is fast approaching and for the first time in my life, I am not filled with my usual excitement. Yes, I'm (very) grateful to be celebrating another year (always), but it won't be the same (nothing has been of course, nor will it be) and I find myself just wanting to skip it. Seems when I look back at pictures from birthdays past, they were the best family photos ever; silly, fun, goofy... I guess I'm wondering how... when she is who brought out my silly side:) Maybe I'm over thinking it (I tend to do that/lol). Maybe she'll make her presence known and it will all seem right? or maybe she'll just help me be OK with what IS?

Then comes October... is a year really right around the corner? How on earth have we survived? How has the world not stopped to mourn with us? How does it just keep going on each day while our hearts are broken? That's what happens though and you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and in spite of the pain and sorrow, you have to appreciate being alive; to Love My Life, if for no other reason at the moment than the sheer (glorious) fact that you are alive and that in itself is a gift. Liz appreciated that gift every moment she could and that is the legacy she leaves behind.

There are exciting things coming in October as well (so my emotions seem to be in constant conflict). One is the Inaugural Love My Life (virtual) 5K which I hope becomes a very real 5K one day to honor her life by not only continuing the quest for a cure as well as the fact that the very essence of walking or running a 5K is living. What better way to honor her life than to live ours? Quite often I have to remind myself of that, or be reminded (some days it's still hard, but it is what I intend to do; for myself, for her...). And of course, the marathon in Ireland! Sean and I are looking so forward to that! But it will be bittersweet too; emotional, but exciting and fun too.

Well, I need to get to bed. Way past that time and I'll pay for it in the morning. I must stop this late night stuff again.

It was a beautiful sunset tonight at Doheny Beach with friends. LML...